Today has made me realized how unreliable my colleagues are and that my relationship with them has deteriorated beyond repair.
The weather was harsh this morning, with heavy downpour started even before I reached my destination. Being the lazy pig, I didn't bring along my umbrella and so I thought of calling my department colleagues for some help.
The sad thing is, none of them responded to my calls, which went unanswered. I called at least twice and in each instance, I get no reply from them. One of them didn't even bother to set her phone to ringing mode, but instead auto-direct to voicemail.
Perhaps I am truly a shallow person and hence, I couldn't make any lasting relationship with anybody. My only friend is the internet, where I can roam around aimlessly without an identity. It's kind of disheartening to discover that my naive beliefs had been wrong all along.
I though I had maintained a pretty good working relationship with my colleagues but somehow along the way, I get left out of things. Things that probably don't matter to me anyway but it still kind of bothers me, you see. Perhaps I should just ignore it all. Ignorance is the best medicine to use in the corporate world. Pretend that I didn't see anything or hear anything would be most helpful to me in avoiding unnecessary trouble.
As long as I continue to get my monthly pay, nothing else matters to me. Not even the subject of promotion could make me fluttered, for I know there's little chance of that happening anyway. My future in this company has already been condemned a long time ago and I don't see a way out for me unless I tender my resignation from my position.
In fact, I have no position in this company, especially in my department. I have no proper title, no proper job scope, and in fact, no proper workstation when I first joined the company. I even had to sit far away from my department and hence, no one bothers about me. As the saying goes, out of sight, out of mind. It's a simple enough equation. So the only motivation that makes me going is the measly pay and the dismissal time. Why didn't I move on to a better job? The current economic is so bad that it is better to stay on as I am in the healthcare industry and it's rarely affected by any economic recessions for people fall sick all the time.
Nonetheless, I try to maintain sanity in these tough times purely for my own survival. I won't rely on other people nor will I extend an offer of help to anybody. Neutrality is the way to go to survive in this company. Well there's another way but it's disgusting. You'll have to buy your favour into the good books of the higher management people by playing up to them. In local terms, it's called sucking up to your boss. I am very lousy in pleasing people and making them happy, which is probably a career kamikaze for me since that's how the corporate world works.
Oh well, life is short so it's best I try not to dwell on such things for long periods of time. It's simply not worth the effort though once in a while rambling won't hurt either. My life is very boring and I don't have that many friends either. So I suppose I deserve it anyway since I am not a nice person to start with. *hiak hiak*
Oh well, it's as though it's the end of the world if I don't have any friends in my life. I live for myself, no one can live my life. That's the only way to go for me.
